I get so angry at myself for letting people walk all over me and I dont do nothing about it. I tell myself everyday that I will never let anyone else walk over me and get away with it anymore, for an example I have this friend and she love to call on me when she need help with her problems. When im done helping her with that problem its like I dont hear from her anymore, then I try to txt, call, and /or tweet her she still dont reply to any of them so I always talk to God and my mom about how im not going to let her walk on me anymore and im not going to txt her when she do txt me or answer her call when she do call. I would say to them I was done, but as soon as I see shes txtin me or callin me I will always answer and then tell myself that she was doing something at the time and now shes not so tied up. But deep down I kno that she would be with her boyfriend and that she didnt want to talk to me or be around me untill she needed my help with her problems or want to come over to waste time to go get him from work. So I cant be mad at no one but myself. But I can get mad at the fact that when I got to someone to talk to them about it I dont need them to yell at me about it cause that will only make me shut them out completely. I just need you to talk to me about wat I should do. Im so bored in my life that its crazy! I respond back cause I want my friend back, I respond back cause when no one else want to hang I have that person to hang with. Not that im using them I really want to hang with them and I just get happy that I was on there mind to hangout. Thats how I see it . I dont have anyone to talk too and its really bugging me like crazy!! I cant exspess myself to people anymore and thats frustsrating! I would love to call onpon people and just tell them what im going thou for that day or just to talk too and hang out or something. IDK im just super frustsrated... But the good thing is im not alone really cause I have God to help me out. It would just be nice to have just one friend that want push me to the side then dust me off when they want to play with me again thats all im saying I guess.

Be yourself

I've been called wired and unnormal and everything but I just call myself unique. I love being silly, singing all the time and dancing all over the place, thats just me. I love to live my life to the fullest and have fun, being uptight is not my style, so if you dont like it, hun... you dont have to be around me, it really wont hurt my feelings. Thats a nice way I can put it. Sorry I choose not to live in this world where theres people unhappy all the time and people fighting consistently. I been through enough unhappiness and its time to change that. I love to wake up in the morning say im going to have a great day today and then it turns out to be the bes, and speaking positive energy in my life. Thats just who I am and im learning to love every bit of me. Just wanted to share :))

My Journey

I have decited to move to California this summer, but for now it may be put back just a lil longer. I was disappointed when I heared the news, but then I had to think God may have put back the moment for a reason, like maybe he's giving me time to lost a little more weight and to save more money for my big day and to get me and my mind prepared for it all. Also to get even more closer to him cause I kno I want to be more independed and I kno when I dont have anyone to talk to I want to kno that I can call upon him and that he will answer my cry, cause I said I want that relationship with him. To be closer to him to smell him when I go to sleep to run to him when im happy or sad (doesnt matter) just to be with him, cause thats what he wants and thats what I want :)) So like I said in my tweet some change is good change, and im happy for my change im just waiting on my big change :))

                                                                     Love always B. White :))

Feb. 20

Today I was feeling a little down, I just been thinking that I dont want me and deisha to end bad that we cant go by each other and say hey or anything like that. I want to move on I think it would be best for us to do so, I just dont want us to be rude to each other or talk behide each other backs, Even though I want do that cause I havent yet.. or at lest I tried not. But my friend today sent me this message and it was very helpful, it was a scripture :)) that made me understand that even though people change it doesnt mean that our love for them have too. I have a whole new way of looking at things now. Im trying my hardest to stay doing the right things cause I want the best for myself, but I cant stay where I was, like thinking about things that I cant control or holding on to things thats tring to move on. I kno now that moving on my be the best thing for you and the other person. All I kno is that its all in God's hands I cant worry about it no longer cause I did all I can do. Stay happy and positive about life, keep a smile in your heart :))

Happiness

Getting my happiness back by praising God and giving him my all. I started talking to him more about every little thing that enters my head :). I also started trying to put the past right where it needs to stay... the past. Im learning more and more thats its not about me or anybody eles.... its all about Him :). Im becoming happier by doing what i always wanted to do the most and thats being myself and setting goals for myself and going though with my goals. Im also more happier cause I put a stop to people that try to run my life or boss me around and me not saying no to the things I just didnt want to do, because I was too busy trying to make everybody else happy. I just put God in everything I do.... and I mean everything :))

Feb. 4 today feelings

Today I was feeling like im never goin to get my savings to where I want it. I dont want to start thinking negative when I been positive since Jan. 1 and I dont want to go back to the negative ways at all, so Lord im asking you to strength my faith up again. Also I wish that I would have known about the taxes cause now im lost on what things mean and everything. I pray that next year will be nothing like this year with the taxes as I want to do everything right so that I want have to pay anything at the end of the year, and so that I will be able to get money back. I just want to do the right thing thats all and understand everything I do so that im not just agreeing to something that will get me in trouble or me not getting anythng back. So I pray that when I get back to work that I will tell them the right things so that I will clam no one on my taxes so I can be able to get my money the way that I should, and that I will not take in anything that they tell me but to stand up and let them kno that its not up to them but me.

Feeling today

 Today was not a great day for me, my family is going though some stuff and I dont like to see my mom stressing or down. I just been feeling that I just cant relate with my friends anymore. And I just dont know where to start on saving money for cali. or study for my driving stuff. I been happy and strong and thankful for everything I have and im trying my hardest today to stay positive and keep my head up for my family but I just been down today. So I pray that my night is better for me and my family and so that my baby sister feels better :) I love seeing my family happy and stress free. So I pray for my aunt and uncal and my mom, me, shannon (my sister) and brian. That we all find happiness and not to worry about what people say or think. :)